Last words…

What if today is your last day in this life and you feel you are about to die. What would you say to the people that are with you that very moment?

I have been thinking about that question all day. Yesterday two patients died. One of them was my patient, let’s just name him Mr. W. Mr. W. was a funny man who loved his bottles of alcohol and with his lifestyle he messed up his liver and kidneys. I remember the first time I saw this man. He was brought in with a big smile on his face. He didn’t seem very sick, but you could tell that he was. His face was yellow, his belly was blown up like a huge balloon and I think 4 people would still have trouble lifting this man.  I liked taking care of this man, because even though he knew he was going to die, he still made jokes and I always left his room with a smile on my face.

But this past week, he completely lost it. He didn’t know who he was, where he was and what was wrong with him. He couldn’t get out of bed anymore, he was acting like a wild person. He hit me hard, and I still have bruises on my arms right now. I have been sitting by his bed for 4 hours, just holding his hand talking to him trying to get him to calm down. It worked and I felt a connection there for a moment. Moments like that are what I love most about this job. He looked up at me and told me he was scared. He told me he knew he was going to die. I just told him it was ok, he didn’t have to be afraid, everything would soon be better…

I was already working an hour late so I just had to leave. It’s just work and I know at some point you have to let go. So I left when his wife arrived. I figured I wouldn’t see him again…  But I did, I was there yesterday morning when he died.His dead had an impact on my day. It was hard to smile and it took a lot of effort to keep going for all the other patient who totally depend on you. So when I finally got home I was exhausted.

My sweet sweet friend Dunya tried very hard to cheer me up. We spend some time dancing in Second Life but while we were there a mutual friend of ours came online and told us some very bad news… We were both in complete shock and I actually cried for an hour just staring at my computer screen. It’s weird how people you barely know can have such an impact on your own life.  A day like yesterday only makes you realise that you really have to enjoy each and every moment. Be good and kind to people because any moment you spend with them could be the last one.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming, you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say our “I love you’s”, And certainly there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do’s?”

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget, Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day, That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear, Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”.

And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.

Advertisements

Study

Today is my free day! These are very rare to me so I usually have a million things to do when this day finally comes. Today is no difference. I need to catch up on my study so I am about to leave home for school today. I hate going to school on a free day but I can’t seem to really get myself to study the way I should when I am at home. One of my classmates is going to help me study so I won’t be alone. And honestly I need all the help I can get. I have to learn the human body inside and out and everything in latin language. Good thing the human body is actually very interesthing,I just need to find a way to relate to the material.

Well I’ll study untill lunch and then I am off into the sunshine, the weather today is amazing. I have to work all weekend and monday too so it’s basicly the only time I can spend outside. I am thinking of taking my laptop with me in the sun, as any true internet addict would do. 😉 My son is with his grandparents today and we’re all going there for dinner tonight so I don’t have to cook! Yay! 🙂 So this mean more time to actually  relax a little. I’ve been stressing out way to much lately.

The worse thing about my job/study is the amount of time I get to spend with my son. He means the world to me but unfortunately I only get to spend a couple of hours a week with him. I mean I do see him every day but I hardly get to spend actual qualitytime with him. I wish I could do this study in less hours. Next week I am hoping to pick him up from daycare early and go do something fun with him. The time we do get to spend together I try to make extra special. I have to keep in mind that this study only takes another 2 years and after that a whole world of possibilities will open up for me. I’ll be able to get a good job with better hours and better pay. And by the time I am done my son will start elementry school. So life will be less hectic by then I hope.

Last night I was talking to a friend about Venice, Italy and I can’t stopt thinking about it. I’m in need of a vacation so bad! I haven’t made any vacation plans just yet so maybe I’ll have a look and see if we can afford to go to Italy this year. I love Italy, been there a few times but never to Venice. I was actually planning a trip to Reykjavik this year but with all the vulcano activity going on there I think it can wait another year or so… 🙂 There are still so many places I’d love to travel to. When I finish this study my best friend and I are planning a trip to New York. I have never even been out of Europe so this will really be something to look forward to!  She’s in police academy right now and she has 2,5 years of study before she graduates. But when we are both done a trip to New York will be the perfect way to celebrate our diploma’s.

Well have to get back to the books now! 🙂

Inspiration

After reading a bunch of blogs from a few amazing online friends I started to miss my old blog.  Right now my life is so hectic and I think it would be a good idea for me to start blogging again to clear my mind a little.

So let me start with a  little introduction. Kaelyn Alecto is my online alter ego. She’s everything I am and everything I want to be. I’m a 26 year old mommy from The Netherlands. I work in a hospital where I follow and intern study to become a nurse. I work 36 hours a week, travel to work and back home wich takes me 2 hours a day. I live together with my boyfriend and my beautiful son. 

Because I am always busy with work, study or family I hardly have time to keep up with my friends and go out to do all the things I normally would. Like going to the gym, going to the movies, going to a club, visiting friends ect.  So whenever I am home and my son is finally asleep I turn on the computer and enter Second Life. This world for me is my way to be able to go out, have some fun, chat with friends without needed the energy to actually do these things in real life.

When I first signed up for Second Life I figured it would be a game, like Sims or Sims 2 but in Second Life you meet actual people from all over the world and some of them have become actual friends and really mean so much to me. Spending time with them and talking about my life and what’s keeping me busy really helps getting me to carry on and finish my study.

Well so much for my introduction, I am at school now typing this and my break is almost over so I have to get my nose back in the books.  I’ll try to fill you in on my online and offline adventures and struggles. Be sure to leave me a comment when you’ve actually taken the time to read my blogs. I love comments 😉