Last words…

What if today is your last day in this life and you feel you are about to die. What would you say to the people that are with you that very moment?

I have been thinking about that question all day. Yesterday two patients died. One of them was my patient, let’s just name him Mr. W. Mr. W. was a funny man who loved his bottles of alcohol and with his lifestyle he messed up his liver and kidneys. I remember the first time I saw this man. He was brought in with a big smile on his face. He didn’t seem very sick, but you could tell that he was. His face was yellow, his belly was blown up like a huge balloon and I think 4 people would still have trouble lifting this man.  I liked taking care of this man, because even though he knew he was going to die, he still made jokes and I always left his room with a smile on my face.

But this past week, he completely lost it. He didn’t know who he was, where he was and what was wrong with him. He couldn’t get out of bed anymore, he was acting like a wild person. He hit me hard, and I still have bruises on my arms right now. I have been sitting by his bed for 4 hours, just holding his hand talking to him trying to get him to calm down. It worked and I felt a connection there for a moment. Moments like that are what I love most about this job. He looked up at me and told me he was scared. He told me he knew he was going to die. I just told him it was ok, he didn’t have to be afraid, everything would soon be better…

I was already working an hour late so I just had to leave. It’s just work and I know at some point you have to let go. So I left when his wife arrived. I figured I wouldn’t see him again…  But I did, I was there yesterday morning when he died.His dead had an impact on my day. It was hard to smile and it took a lot of effort to keep going for all the other patient who totally depend on you. So when I finally got home I was exhausted.

My sweet sweet friend Dunya tried very hard to cheer me up. We spend some time dancing in Second Life but while we were there a mutual friend of ours came online and told us some very bad news… We were both in complete shock and I actually cried for an hour just staring at my computer screen. It’s weird how people you barely know can have such an impact on your own life.  A day like yesterday only makes you realise that you really have to enjoy each and every moment. Be good and kind to people because any moment you spend with them could be the last one.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming, you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say our “I love you’s”, And certainly there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do’s?”

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget, Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day, That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear, Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”.

And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rocket
    Apr 26, 2010 @ 20:11:39

    Wow….Thats a tough spot. I have the most respect for the strong person it takes to work in that environment. I could not turn off my feelings at the end of the day. You obviously love what you do and it is obvious you make a difference. Keep giving your sunshine. It is contagious……


  2. geemix
    May 01, 2010 @ 02:31:35

    Hey K, good to read your blog hun. Such a tough job you have, but be strong. After your work and study time is over..your and your son will benefit from it all I’m sure.

    Also, the tough days will be outnumbered by the good days. Have the nice thoughts and try not to let your feelings for patients take over your work. Hard fro me to say I know, but sometimes you just need to switch off and change your thoughts to happy ones.

    The sad times will come in your line of work, but think of the happiness you have given to so many along the way.

    Keep up the great work on the blog and a massive thanks for coming to the club on SL. Always nice to see you there hun xxxx hugs


  3. Huubke
    May 04, 2010 @ 21:58:55

    i need to react on your great text.

    You say it is “just”work, but is not just work. A lot of ppl couldn’t do what you do. It takes a lot of deep respect and love for another life although you don’t know that other person.

    Like you told .. you get sometimes a band and it hurts or effects your life
    But you are doing great work.Every one has the right to have a good, repectness an kindly last moments in live. True there is family.. but then there is always good to know that there is also a friendly nurse to hear you and calm you down. And be for you when the family isn’t present and take care.

    You bring some light in the darkeness of your patient.

    Be proud of yourself!




  4. Dunya Copperfield
    May 04, 2010 @ 23:28:45

    Hey Sweetie,

    Wow, you realy amaze me!
    Every time i read your stories about your work and the
    way you handle those things.
    And yes i remember that day, it was a hard
    one for you….
    But i agree, we need those days in life to make us remember who
    we love the most.
    And the thing you told about people from sl getting close to you, i recconise that so deeply.
    I never expected that to happen, but you know how things are going betweens us for example.
    I wouldnt want to miss you for the world!

    Keep up the good work girl, i realy believe in you!

    Love and kissis


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