Writing it off

 

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Sometimes life just seems to get the best of you and slaps you in your face…  Time for me to wake up and start to actually do something to make life better instead of staying frozen and letting it all just happen.  I guess it just all became a bit to much to handle. Seeing my mom struggle through life and not being able to help, losing my job & my study, having huge financial troubles, knowing the one person who really understands me completely will always be so far away…

Time now to stop thinking like that… this blogpost really just for me to read when I feel down again…

–> I can help my mom just by being there for her, supporting her, hugging her when she feels bad. That  DOES help….

–> I will find a new job and it will be better and less stressfull

–> I will find a way to finish my study no matter how long it may take me, I can do it…

–> Finances will be better when I have my new job and they give me a steady contract.

–> So many people around me who support me and love me, time to stop complaining and see what I have and not focus on what I can’t have…  I am so lucky to have such amazing people around me in life….

–> Time to stop hiding in this crazy virtual world and face life again and find back what makes me happy

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Viva la France

In only a few hours I am leaving for France! I am going to the South of France to enjoy a nice one week vacation with my bf and son. I have been wanting to get out of here for so long so I am REALLY excited!  This is where I will be going:

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Not bad right??

I will tell you all about my French adventures when I get back 🙂

The many wonders of friendship

Wow I really need to keep posting here. I never actually make enough time to do it. But everytime I start typing words just keep coming and coming and it’s hard to let them make any sense at all…

Life has been hectic lately, never have enough time for all the things I want to do. I we could all just work 2 days and be free 5 days a week. That would do wonders for my social life. Being so busy with work and study and working all these crazy late shifts makes it so damn hard to make plans with friends. Whenever I am free they are at school or work. And when I am working they always call to ask me if I want to hang out. So unfair! This last weekend I missed out on 2 birthday parties and a big BBQ. 

Work is hard and exhausting because we are very short in staff at our department in the hospital. So we have lots to do with very few people. We all work extra hard and have no breaks so we are all completely exhausted at the end of the day. So when I get home I make dinner, put my son in bath and then to bed and then should be time for me or my friends but all I want to do is sleep. Instead I hide behind the computer and escape to Second Life. There I can make time for my friends, go out have fun and not have to worry about having the energie to do so in real life. 

I do wish all my real life friends would sign up for Second Life so I can still spend time with them more often but they don’t really understand what it is that I love about Second Life so much. And even though to me it’s very clear it’s so hard to put in words when it comes to my friends.

Yesterday I stayed home sick from work for many reasons. Most important reason being that I really really felt sick and kept running to the bathroom.  I was feeling really down. I signed on to Second Life to see if I could get my mind off real life stuff and just try to have some fun.  I went to a club with a few friends and just enjoyed good chats and nice music. It’s really simple things like that, that make such a big difference. I made a new friend while being there and he added me to MSN & Skype. We talked for hours and he made me laugh so hard I really forgot all about feeling down and I could not stop smiling.  He told me that it is ok for me to stop thinking about everyone else for a moment and really focus on myself. Chose for my own happiness instead of always putting everyone else first. This got me thinking that I really have not been happy lately. So it is true I need to take better care of myself. This should be my next big challenge! See you all next time… keep the comments coming!

They call me CraZy…

Ok been a while after my last post… Been busy with work and my study trying to catch up and get a more positive look on things. It’s working well I must say, work has been so much better and so has my study. Just need to make time and actually do it.  In Real Life I have been making some time for my lovely friends. I miss not being able to spend as much time as I would like with them. Last saturday we had ourselfs a girls night out wich was really amazing. Don’t think I have laughed that hard in a long long time. We went out for dinner and drinks and later went to a bar where we danced and had more drinks. I never really drink much so I got completely CraZy… I forgot to bring my camera that night but I am guessing it’s for the best. One of my friends did took a few pics wth her phone but I haven’t seen those yet. If they are not THAT bad I will try to post some up here 😉

In my fantasy world called Second Life, I have been making some nice new friends. It’s what I love most, so many wonderfull people out there in this great big world who you normally never get to meet. I met a nice guy who helped me out getting a new profile picture. The pictures turned out absolutely stunning! I also did a twin photoshoot with my friend Martini:

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My friend Rene is planning in some time next week to help me figure out being a DJ 🙂 I have been wanting to learn for a long time now. So any tips? Send them my way please 😉

And keep those comments coming, I loved them sooo very very much!

Last words…

What if today is your last day in this life and you feel you are about to die. What would you say to the people that are with you that very moment?

I have been thinking about that question all day. Yesterday two patients died. One of them was my patient, let’s just name him Mr. W. Mr. W. was a funny man who loved his bottles of alcohol and with his lifestyle he messed up his liver and kidneys. I remember the first time I saw this man. He was brought in with a big smile on his face. He didn’t seem very sick, but you could tell that he was. His face was yellow, his belly was blown up like a huge balloon and I think 4 people would still have trouble lifting this man.  I liked taking care of this man, because even though he knew he was going to die, he still made jokes and I always left his room with a smile on my face.

But this past week, he completely lost it. He didn’t know who he was, where he was and what was wrong with him. He couldn’t get out of bed anymore, he was acting like a wild person. He hit me hard, and I still have bruises on my arms right now. I have been sitting by his bed for 4 hours, just holding his hand talking to him trying to get him to calm down. It worked and I felt a connection there for a moment. Moments like that are what I love most about this job. He looked up at me and told me he was scared. He told me he knew he was going to die. I just told him it was ok, he didn’t have to be afraid, everything would soon be better…

I was already working an hour late so I just had to leave. It’s just work and I know at some point you have to let go. So I left when his wife arrived. I figured I wouldn’t see him again…  But I did, I was there yesterday morning when he died.His dead had an impact on my day. It was hard to smile and it took a lot of effort to keep going for all the other patient who totally depend on you. So when I finally got home I was exhausted.

My sweet sweet friend Dunya tried very hard to cheer me up. We spend some time dancing in Second Life but while we were there a mutual friend of ours came online and told us some very bad news… We were both in complete shock and I actually cried for an hour just staring at my computer screen. It’s weird how people you barely know can have such an impact on your own life.  A day like yesterday only makes you realise that you really have to enjoy each and every moment. Be good and kind to people because any moment you spend with them could be the last one.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming, you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say our “I love you’s”, And certainly there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do’s?”

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget, Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day, That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear, Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”.

And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.

Study

Today is my free day! These are very rare to me so I usually have a million things to do when this day finally comes. Today is no difference. I need to catch up on my study so I am about to leave home for school today. I hate going to school on a free day but I can’t seem to really get myself to study the way I should when I am at home. One of my classmates is going to help me study so I won’t be alone. And honestly I need all the help I can get. I have to learn the human body inside and out and everything in latin language. Good thing the human body is actually very interesthing,I just need to find a way to relate to the material.

Well I’ll study untill lunch and then I am off into the sunshine, the weather today is amazing. I have to work all weekend and monday too so it’s basicly the only time I can spend outside. I am thinking of taking my laptop with me in the sun, as any true internet addict would do. 😉 My son is with his grandparents today and we’re all going there for dinner tonight so I don’t have to cook! Yay! 🙂 So this mean more time to actually  relax a little. I’ve been stressing out way to much lately.

The worse thing about my job/study is the amount of time I get to spend with my son. He means the world to me but unfortunately I only get to spend a couple of hours a week with him. I mean I do see him every day but I hardly get to spend actual qualitytime with him. I wish I could do this study in less hours. Next week I am hoping to pick him up from daycare early and go do something fun with him. The time we do get to spend together I try to make extra special. I have to keep in mind that this study only takes another 2 years and after that a whole world of possibilities will open up for me. I’ll be able to get a good job with better hours and better pay. And by the time I am done my son will start elementry school. So life will be less hectic by then I hope.

Last night I was talking to a friend about Venice, Italy and I can’t stopt thinking about it. I’m in need of a vacation so bad! I haven’t made any vacation plans just yet so maybe I’ll have a look and see if we can afford to go to Italy this year. I love Italy, been there a few times but never to Venice. I was actually planning a trip to Reykjavik this year but with all the vulcano activity going on there I think it can wait another year or so… 🙂 There are still so many places I’d love to travel to. When I finish this study my best friend and I are planning a trip to New York. I have never even been out of Europe so this will really be something to look forward to!  She’s in police academy right now and she has 2,5 years of study before she graduates. But when we are both done a trip to New York will be the perfect way to celebrate our diploma’s.

Well have to get back to the books now! 🙂

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