The many wonders of friendship

Wow I really need to keep posting here. I never actually make enough time to do it. But everytime I start typing words just keep coming and coming and it’s hard to let them make any sense at all…

Life has been hectic lately, never have enough time for all the things I want to do. I we could all just work 2 days and be free 5 days a week. That would do wonders for my social life. Being so busy with work and study and working all these crazy late shifts makes it so damn hard to make plans with friends. Whenever I am free they are at school or work. And when I am working they always call to ask me if I want to hang out. So unfair! This last weekend I missed out on 2 birthday parties and a big BBQ. 

Work is hard and exhausting because we are very short in staff at our department in the hospital. So we have lots to do with very few people. We all work extra hard and have no breaks so we are all completely exhausted at the end of the day. So when I get home I make dinner, put my son in bath and then to bed and then should be time for me or my friends but all I want to do is sleep. Instead I hide behind the computer and escape to Second Life. There I can make time for my friends, go out have fun and not have to worry about having the energie to do so in real life. 

I do wish all my real life friends would sign up for Second Life so I can still spend time with them more often but they don’t really understand what it is that I love about Second Life so much. And even though to me it’s very clear it’s so hard to put in words when it comes to my friends.

Yesterday I stayed home sick from work for many reasons. Most important reason being that I really really felt sick and kept running to the bathroom.  I was feeling really down. I signed on to Second Life to see if I could get my mind off real life stuff and just try to have some fun.  I went to a club with a few friends and just enjoyed good chats and nice music. It’s really simple things like that, that make such a big difference. I made a new friend while being there and he added me to MSN & Skype. We talked for hours and he made me laugh so hard I really forgot all about feeling down and I could not stop smiling.  He told me that it is ok for me to stop thinking about everyone else for a moment and really focus on myself. Chose for my own happiness instead of always putting everyone else first. This got me thinking that I really have not been happy lately. So it is true I need to take better care of myself. This should be my next big challenge! See you all next time… keep the comments coming!

Last words…

What if today is your last day in this life and you feel you are about to die. What would you say to the people that are with you that very moment?

I have been thinking about that question all day. Yesterday two patients died. One of them was my patient, let’s just name him Mr. W. Mr. W. was a funny man who loved his bottles of alcohol and with his lifestyle he messed up his liver and kidneys. I remember the first time I saw this man. He was brought in with a big smile on his face. He didn’t seem very sick, but you could tell that he was. His face was yellow, his belly was blown up like a huge balloon and I think 4 people would still have trouble lifting this man.  I liked taking care of this man, because even though he knew he was going to die, he still made jokes and I always left his room with a smile on my face.

But this past week, he completely lost it. He didn’t know who he was, where he was and what was wrong with him. He couldn’t get out of bed anymore, he was acting like a wild person. He hit me hard, and I still have bruises on my arms right now. I have been sitting by his bed for 4 hours, just holding his hand talking to him trying to get him to calm down. It worked and I felt a connection there for a moment. Moments like that are what I love most about this job. He looked up at me and told me he was scared. He told me he knew he was going to die. I just told him it was ok, he didn’t have to be afraid, everything would soon be better…

I was already working an hour late so I just had to leave. It’s just work and I know at some point you have to let go. So I left when his wife arrived. I figured I wouldn’t see him again…  But I did, I was there yesterday morning when he died.His dead had an impact on my day. It was hard to smile and it took a lot of effort to keep going for all the other patient who totally depend on you. So when I finally got home I was exhausted.

My sweet sweet friend Dunya tried very hard to cheer me up. We spend some time dancing in Second Life but while we were there a mutual friend of ours came online and told us some very bad news… We were both in complete shock and I actually cried for an hour just staring at my computer screen. It’s weird how people you barely know can have such an impact on your own life.  A day like yesterday only makes you realise that you really have to enjoy each and every moment. Be good and kind to people because any moment you spend with them could be the last one.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming, you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say our “I love you’s”, And certainly there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do’s?”

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget, Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day, That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear, Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”.

And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.